Funny As Shite

"Shit's Shit, you nancy priss-ass!"
'Trick', 1999 Fineline Features

Ahh, but is it?
If shit were merely the waste of a living organism then why would so many people find such delight in a good shit story?
Yes...even you! .......the one who won't admit it.
We all crap.
It's not like we walk into a public restroom and hear wild laughter while others 'release'. Yet, even tragic stories are made wildly amusing at the mere mention of turd.
Is it because having a bowelmovement has been something we've been socialized into keeping a 'dirty' secret for so long?
Are we in fact mesmerized by one of the most natural functions of human existance solely because it is something we don't speak of?
I used to be terrified to shit in public.I would only cut cable in my own home, or at the home of a very good friend.
I blame my father.
When we were kids and on family holidays a stop at a rest station meant sheer embarrassment for my brother and I. We'd see my dad grab onto the door handle of a stall and run to a urinal to void before the fireworks began.
My father is such an animated shitter, that while standing at the sink and washing my hands I remember men laughing and turning to look at what stall all the noise was coming from. As if they were expecting to see lights and pieces of porcelain shooting out from underneath.
I would ignore the proper hygiene my mother was so adamant about and run back to the shelter of the car, hiding under a crossword puzzle book so no one knew I was the offspring of the 'Ass Blaster'.
Later in life one of my best friends told me that there was a 'key' to public shitting. Her advice to me was to make as much noise as possible. Her idea is based on the fact that if people can hear that you don't make any apologies, why should they care?
I am not a good student of Karen's teachings.
But, it has gotten me thinking about # 2.
See, I got a digital camera this Hexmas. I was joyous.
Now I don't have to wonder what the photo consultant at the local 'Walmart' will think of me when she hands me the roll of film that has pictures of THAT.....
No friends..not that!
I just mean I can safely point and click my personal life with no judgements from a girl who has most likely seen things that would make the majority of us blush!
I got to thinking......
My thinking got me here.
I wonder if my facial expression changes when I am on the toilet?
Do I look like a pure gentleman who maintains composure?
Do I look like an orphan who caught a glimpse of 'Mommy' in the mall?
Do I look like a drug addict who sees the likeness of jesus in the crack pipe?
I couldn't resist......I had to know.
I waited until the moment was right. I grabbed my 5 mega pixel camera and headed into the room where we all do what we do not speak of.
I pointed, I clicked, I saved, and now, I share.
It turns out I look like I do when someone suggests I need more organized religion in my life.
Here, I share my moment with you, and suggest that if you do not already have one, pick up a digital camera and document the human things.
Like, love, hurt, dissapointment and of course........
shit!