The 7 Deadly Sins and How They Apply To Me

Okay, so I went to church by way of my parents force as a youngster, and later in my teen years I lead children in the teachings of Jesus at Sunday School, still by the strong hand of my mother but the later as a means of escaping the sermon held by our minister. I knew that by being baptized I would be welcomed into the kingdom heaven so saw no real need to learn more about the bible or sit through endless blathering about god and this and that. I got some cold water on my forehead as a child, I was good to go. When I finally reached the age where my parents accepted that I did not want to continue as a member of an organized religion I threw church and all things godfearing aside. I never looked back either, until tonight.
I got to thinking about the afterlife, God, Heaven, all that shit. And then it hit me, IF there is a god, will I really make it into heaven?
I remembered the 7 deadly sins and I thought that some self exploration here was necessary, I'll lay it out for you.
PRIDE Pride is excessive belief in one's own abilities, that interferes with the individual's recognition of the grace of God. It has been called the sin from which all others arise. Pride is also known as Vanity.
Okay, but am I proud or vain? For me these are two different things. I mean, like, I dance in front of the mirror sometimes and think that my moves have improved, but I'm not ready to bust them out on a stage. So...Am I proud of my accomplishments as a mirror dancer or am I staring at myself and thinking "Oh you go boy"?
Well, neither, I mirror dance to prepare for a night on the town, and when I look like I have a few moves down, I feel good, but that's the accomplishment of hard work, not over analyzing how good I look. Sometimes I have handsome days where I look in the mirror and think, "Fuck, if I could clone myself I would never be horny again!". That is vain, Carly Simon might need a Part deux for that one. But so what, I'd do me, and love it. Yeah that's right, I've even gone as far as to add a picture of myself. Does that make me proud/vain? Who knows, guess god does, we'll have to wait and see on that one. What's next?
GLUTTONY is an inordinate desire to consume more than that which one requires.
Hmm, well, depends what were talking about here. If it's beer, I may be gluttonous, if it's Shredded Wheat Cereal, I am very giving, this is all so vague, it's like going to a psychic who never really tells you anything. Could I be gluttonous?
Sure!
next...............
LUST is an inordinate craving for the pleasures of the body
Hey, like I said in PRIDE, I'd fuck me, so I'd sure as shit fuck you. I like to have sex, I'd rather be having it than writing blogs, but you can't win em all. It's not like I roofies in my boyfriends morning coffee, but I do enjoy 'the pleasures of the body'. I'm starting to think these sins were dreamt up by some fridgid douche bag. "HEY GOD LOVER, you need to fuck more, than it would only be the 6 deadly sins and the one fun way to pass time".
ANGER is manifested in the individual who spurns love and opts instead for fury. It is also known as Wrath.
Okay, once I had a cab driver in Toronto treat me like a piece of shit when he found out the neighbourhood I was heading to was the gay ghetto. He was black too, so should know how it feels to be discriminated against, but apparently not, because he proved to be one of the most homophobic shitbags I have ever come into contact with. I was angry at him. I spurned some fucking love that night.
GREED is the desire for material wealth or gain, ignoring the realm of the spiritual. It is also called Avarice or Covetousness.
Okay, this one is not me, I am not greedy. Sure, I'd like to win the lottery, but that's because I hate my job, and working in general, not because I want to have more money than you. I think I'm a 'give you the shirt off of my back' kind of guy. I've never been a label dropper, or cared much for trends. I think Paris Hilton is kinda cute, but it's cause she's so dumb, not cause she's so rich. Oh, and she is lanky, it's not sexy, it's emaciated.
SLOTH is the avoidance of physical or spiritual work.
Okay, this one is me, I don't want to get my hands dirty, or break a sweat unless I am committing the sin of lust or exercising. Don't ask me to cut the lawn or wash dishes either, it sparks anger which god doesn't much like.
IN CLOSING
thank god I don't believe in you