Can I escape my Christian Upbringing?

BAPTIZE -
to sprinkle or pour water on, or immerse in water, as a religious ceremony, esp. in admitting to a Christian church; 2, to purify; 3, to christen

Sprinkling water on my forehead and dropping a few 'Jesus Christs' wouldn't even allow me to bypass a five dollar cover at a gay bar! Now why is this gay man expected to believe that it will grant me entrance into the kingdom of heaven?
I was a childhood Christian.
I attended all the years of Sunday School. I acted in church plays. I lit candles in my pew on Christmas eve. I prayed. I taught at Vacation Bible School in the summer months, and even went as far as to be a Sunday School Teacher for the grade 4's.
I did it all begrudgingly and at the force of my parents.
My mother used to refer to her one hour a week in church as her most peaceful hour of the week. I did not do the same.
I laid in bed on Sunday mornings and prayed (almost literally) that this would be the Sunday where my parents overslept.
By the time I was fifteen I was very capable of saying no. So when the idea of enrolling me in confirmation courses arose, I was steadfast with my 'Fuck No'.
I didn't (and don't) give a shit if I am not allowed full communion in a Christian Church.
My church housed a gay minister. Of course, the congregation didn't know that at the time, then one fateful Sunday (while I was colouring a picture of Jesus in the basement) my Minister came out of the closet during a sermon. Apparently, a lot of the "Christians" in attendance that day got up and left. Most refused to come back until the fag was gone, and a few were never to return because at one time there was a gay man spreading the word of God there. The church was somehow tainted, dirty, the word of God coated in a grey film that masked its true beauty. How dare a fag tarnish what God is trying to teach us;
'Love thy neighbour'
'Do unto others'
Admittedly, I didn't know at the time, I was a child. I didn't find out until years later.
It became a dirty secret that was burried just off the grounds of the church.
In late highschool I befriended a girl who had always attended my church, she told me the news.
I have no resentment.
I cannot blame Christians for their inability to form individual thought any more than they can point a finger at me for 'choosing my lifestyle'.
I do however, want to escape this. To move beyond my affiliations with organised religion and purge myself all that I have learned. I want to unlearn everything.
I don't want to pick and choose, join a gay church that candy coats the bible or search for another religion.
The simple truth is that no one has any fucking clue why were here or where we're going.
I'm all for spirituality, but only if it's self developed.
Organizing something like spirituality is like trying to organize free thought. It cannot be done, and if you try to, it becomes a herd that follows a leader(s).
Typically your religious beliefs are formed by what continent you are born on. They filter down to what country, and finally what family.
You did not pick your religion, an ancestor did when they realized that the Presbyterian Church was closer to home than the Baptist one.
Regardless, gay people have no place in Christianity. We are excluded from God's love as a direct result of our 'choice to deviate'.
To pretend that that is not a part of the bible is to sheild ourselves against the truth.
Not to mention, to choose to ignore one of the bible's teachings in turn chips away at the integrity of all the others.
We do not need Jesus as a part of morality, love, honesty or respect. These human conditions were there in B.C. just as in A.D.
The common argument is that Christianity instills good values, and does more good than harm.
Tell that to my ex-minister.
Tell me that.
Tell gay people all over the world that.
When those 'Christians' got up and walked out, they walked out on a very brave man at the front of the church, they walked out on a little boy in the basement, and they walked right the fuck out of all the 'good values' that the bible had taught them.
How can so much stock be placed in something that is seemingly so easy to forget?
I don't forget.
I only wish I could!