farting online

'Men are not a new sensation, I've done pretty well i think'.
Ella Fitzgerald

Generally, I think I was doing well with men.
Then I opted to expand my dating potentials to the men 'wookin pa nub' on the internet.
My thought;
'I'm a pretty normal dude. I like pretty normal things. I'm easy going, like to laugh, and am a good caring fellow. So, if I'm online, there must be more guys like me on there too.'
I still believe there might be.
Sadly, they're all overshadowed by these dumbasses who bullshit their way through profiles, and even go as far as to use pictures that aren't even of them.
Ok, it makes sense to use a picture of yourself that you think is a good one.
BUT, we all have those one or two pics where were like, 'Damn bitch, I look good'.
We say this because we're surprised by what a great picture it is.
Why are we surprised?
Well, because most of the time we don't look like that.
So, to post one of the 'Damn Bitch...' pictures is going to disillusion the people looking at yer pic.
I have tried, as I think everyone should, to use pics that I'd say pretty much look like me on a daily basis.
For the ones who use other peoples pictures.
Well, yer a fucking idiot.
Nuff said.
Ahem, anyway, I've tried about 5 different dating websites, and keep seeing the same thing.
One dude i went out with said in his profile that he enjoyed weight lifting, hiking and biking, so on our first date we went for a hike. By the time we got back to the car after the walk he was peeling off layers of clothing and sweating like a St. Bernard in Cuba.
I was tipped off by the fact that he wasn't all that into weights, as his pecs were more like a b-cup of soft, pliable manboob.
I thought, hmm, why the fuck say you are something that you are not?
I mean, if you ever intend on meeting someone, they're going to notice, and although you may have a great personality, the knowledge that you lied before you even met the person will always be in your dates head!
So, don't lie!
I mean, post your own picture. Make of list of things you actually like to do.
Fuck there are people in the world that like to shit and piss on one another, and they're in relationships!
So, if you'd rather be sitting in front of a PS2 with a bong and a can of beer tell people that.
And, there are a huge number of people who are just looking to get off, so, search them out.
Leave the ones who aren't just looking for a blowjob in the back stall at Swiss Chalet alone.
Most of the people who use the internet as a source for meeting new people are not mutes, they are not incapable of intelligent thought.
Hell, I'd say some of us even have a brain on our shoulders, and we're more than a day old.
So for shit sakes...Be honest about who you are, what you like and what your looking for.
It'll save everyone a lot of time.
By the way, I'm looking for guys who can run in the Boston Marathon with me this year, I was lonely last year. Also, anyone else who like me, has won a Pulitzer or is a member of the 'Foot Long' club is welcome to say hi!