These are a few of my least favourite things

As I sit here, merely spitting on the month of June, I realize that the year is close to half over. I have done some brainstorming, and compiled a short list of a few minor attributes of 2005 that I think we could have done without.
They are as follows....
1) My Fabulous Gay Wedding;
Has this even aired yet? Please, open my mouth and fart in it, because I'm sure the aftertaste would be better than watching that annoying fag from 'Kids In The Hall' prance around and be all theatrical as a host to a gay wedding. Hmm, I think the best way to seal the vote is to AVOID taking a stereotype and making him the host of a gay union. Scott Thompson? Is that his name. Please, I'll spend 48 hours in a pool filled with piss if the network would just trash this show before it airs.
2) 'Napoleon Dynamite' T-Shirts;
Okay, the movie was a gas. I laughed hard, not as hard as 'Team America: World Police' but pretty fucking hard. I love the dance sequence, the older brother and his gal pal, the crazy uncle, and the lass with the berets. I made a friend buy it so I could borrow it. But, I don't want to see 'Vote Pedro' adorning white t-shirts with red piping all over the streets of Toronto. The movie isn't even old enough for that kind of shit to be cool. Wear one of those in 2015, then maybe you'll be cool. Until then, find yerself a nice 'Dukes Of Hazard' T-shirt and look mean when you're wearing it.
3) IPOD's;
Sorry, I know they are so functional and easy to use, but, I picture those lame silhouettes dancing to songs that really mean shit. That 'TECHNOLOGY' song? Hmm, here's an idea, FUCKING SLIT MY THROAT! Please, just because you haven;t heard it in constant rotation yet, doesn't mean it not coming, and doesn't mean that song isn't pure shit! Do you really want yer 'subdued' white earphones tying you to music that makes you a dork? Burn Ipod, burn.
4) Charity Bracelets;
I bought a 'save the children' bracelet from 7-11 for tsunami relief. I was so happy to adorn my naked arm with my new cobalt blue rubber band so that the whole world could see that I had done my part. I bought it with a pack of butts and some gum. Then I left the store and went back to work. I cracked open the cellophane packaging aching to get my support on my arm, and then I read the 'fine print'. 7-11 will donate 100% of the profits of bracelets sold to a maximum of $2.00 per bracelet. But those fuckers charged me $2.99 + tax. Slurpee sales must be down this year! Fuck the kids in the mud man, the employees need new red and green smocks!
5) Tom Cruise and 'Dawson's Creek Chick';
Okay, I'm not too interested in celebrity dating, in fact, usually I don't give a shit. But, Katie Holmes and Daddy Cruise? WTF? Never mind what would Jesus do...What the fuck would Jesus say? Katie Holmes said 'as a little girl she always dreamed of marrying Tom Cruise'. Yeah no shit, so the fuck did I. Too bad he was married twice and had 130 sexual partners before Katie Holmes sprouted her first pube.
6) Straight White Dumb Men;
So you've trained your toothless girlfriend into believing that 'fist-a-cuffs' are foreplay! You pissed on the aids memorial! You revel in the smell of your own farts! You think racial slang is reserved for 'the right crowd'! You have big balls, scrath them in public dude! Oh, and while yer at it, bend over and get fucked by all the women, gay people, visible minorities and sexual minorities who think you're a sist on the ass of roadkill. Oh yeah, and just because 'you're bitch' has 'nice tits' doesn't exempt you from the fact that you're an asshole!
7) The United States Of America;
Are you still there? OH....SHIT....You are!
8) Eminem;
Why are we still dealing with this shit. I liked him in the beginning. In the same way I liked 'Len' in the beginning, but let's let the one hit wonders have five hits, and then bury him. Aren't we sick of that fucking voice yet? How many more 'ho's' can he tap before the keg dries up?

Okay, I could go on, but I'm afraid it would tarnish my idea of the rest of the year! Jessica Simpson, keep it real! I know I will!
*farting*