Sunday, May 29, 2005

PENANCE

On Friday I went to Licks for the good ol' Homeburger Combo, complete with a side of 'guck' to dip my deep fried potatoes in.
It was dreamy. Moist, tender, warm, everything I long for in a hamburg.
I walked away from my dining experience not assuming to remember it in a few months, but with my tummy full and content about the money I had spent.
I was to work early Saturday, so I opted to stay home Friday, and it was a good thing I did. I felt pretty wiped out by 9 pm, and although out of character for me, I decided to crawl into bed, and call it a day.
I awoke at approximately 1 am.
I felt a sudden urge to use the washroom, and thought it was kind of odd, as these types of urges have never woken me up from a dead sleep.
'Hmm, do I feel kind of sick too?'
I got out of bed and made my way to the downstairs washroom, so as not to disturb my family with 'my nature'.
I grabbed a bucket just in case, my stomach was definitely, not right.
By 3 am, my slight 'urge to purge' had developed into a full on symphony of release.
So much so that at one point I looked up at the sky (or more accurately, the bathroom ceiling) and asked 'God' to take me if this was my time, and to cut the fucking dramatics.
The homeburger that had poisoned me kept coming to me in a fever induced hallucination. I could smell the meat again. I could taste the toxins. I think, I could even hear the Jezebel Cow laughing.
This lasted the entire night, and part of Saturday morning.
I slept. A lot.
I ate, nothing.
It was sunday afternoon before I could sit upright again.
As my new blog will attest to, 'God' did not take me.
'God' has given me another chance.
I want to embrace this and make a fresh start.
Not only have I purged myself of the poisonous bovine who tried to kill me but did not succeed, I have purged myself of my poor attitude.
I am a new man.
Thoughts...
Well, my parents aren't just tree huggers who don't eat meat. They're avoiding a ton of possibilities that could lead to a 'food poisoning'.
Will I become a vegetarian? Hells no!
But, I will never eat at Licks again.
I'm not sure how many innocent cows I can save from that decision, but, I will do my part.
My stomach just cramped as a reminder that I need to do more than this.
So, I will also go back to church and reaquaint myself with the peace and fulfillment that one attains in a Christian lifestyle.
Good thing this is a blog, I was laughing before I even got that last sentence typed out.
Ahem, no, still no confirmation for this kid.
But, I will stop to smell the roses.
I will appreciate what I have.
I will not take things for granted anymore.
Ah fuck, you know I will!
See 'God' I told you, should've snuffed my flame when you had the chance. I am a lousy study!
What have I really taken away from this experience?
1) An excellent grasp on the discomfort of dehydration.
2) The ability to fend for myself. I shut myself in the basement to recover, and my parents left me there.
3) The goal of 'getting healthy' and not running any risks of getting sick for real.
4) A new scat fetish (just kidding).
5) The belief that it's good that cow was slaughtered, cause tomorrow when I'm feeling closer to 100% I would have gone and beats its ass.
6) A new NO 'LICKS' philosophy.
7) A sick appreciation for the poisoning. It has cut out one of my choices for a meal out. I am terrible when confronted with too many options. 1 down, 46 to go.

So maybe I don't want to go back to church, or build clean water wells in Sudan, but I didn't walk away from this void of any teachings. I had a shitty weekend (literally) and I learned from it. How many of us can say that about food poisoning.
*fucking twat cow*

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