Why Limeys Are Fucked

I know there are a lot of Canadians who have ancestral heritage lying in the damp moors of Yorkshire. But, as most immigrants to this country the English have lost most of their heritage.
This is not a bad thing.
I think (being half English) that I have good hygiene, not that I have good hygiene based on being half English, I think it's more the Scottish side of me that counterbalances the obsessiveness of English Hygiene.
Have you ever been in a Home in England?
Furthermore, have you ever been in a Canadian home owned by someone who is originally from England?
These people are crazy about cleanliness.
It's like the bathing process was refined, fine tuned and then shot into hyper drive.
My friend Karen (Bless her citrus heart) was born in England, and moved over here at the age of three.
She is a clean person.
Freakishly clean.
I remember using the washroom at her parents home the last time I was there, and counting at least seven bath puffs and three loofahs. Does this spell insanity? Not typically, just a desire for variety.
It's the products they use to adorn these puffs and loofas.
If you go to an English gift exchange, everyone is going home with some sort of talcum, perfume, oil, bodywash or bathsalt. And it is guaranteed, whatever you end up with, it will smell like shit.
The reason for this!
Well, an Englishman loves to drink, and loves to smell fine scents. So, why not combine the two.
Most of the planning for English hygiene went into again, variety, as opposed to fine tuning, and here we are again, shot into overdrive.
It is not unusual for me to see a nice white glass bottle sitting on the ledge of Karen's bathtub that holds something like 'Rose Lavender Body Milk'.
Rose and Lavender for the scent, and milk, to remind the Englishman of drinking.
'Lotus Bloom Tea Bodyscrub'.
And a pattern surfaces.
'Lil O The Valley Cream'.
And now it is just obvious.
Why not just make 'Dandelion and a Pint Talcum'?
or
'Boddingtons (warm) and Mowed Lawn Body Mister'?
The funniest part is that most of the English folks who have left their native land and moved on over to this fine country have seen the err of their ways.
Karen herself will let these bottles sit until the next Christmas when she rotates inventory. Out with the old, in the with the, umm, same.
For a country so hell bent on a cream or sauce for every part of the male and female anatomy, seemingly, they've forgotten to chose wisely when organizing the variety of showertime choice.
Take it from yer neighbours, the French, they love the finer things, including a good piss up, but you don't see your French friends coming home from a Christmas exchange with 'Chardonnay Tulip Cologne' now do you?