20/DUMBASS

GAYDAR
see radar; An individuals ability to gauge a persons sexual orientation through interaction or exposure.
Do I have Gaydar?
Sure, as much as the next person.
I can point out a stereotype as easily as I can identify when I am dehydrated and need a glass of water.
Am I a 'gaydar' expert?
Well, no!
The same as I am not an expert on the 'Tooth Fairy' or 'Nessy'.
The areas of expertise differ but the reason I am not an expert are the same.
THEY DON'T EXIST
But, ABC's news program 20/20 must have missed the memo, and sordidly arranged a segment on tonight's show to 'test' Gaydar.
They found ten willing men to submit to the scrutiny of Gaydar experts.
Five gay men....
Five Straight men....
The idea was to have members of the general public with finely tuned Gaydar interact with all ten men, and then vote on who was gay and who was straight.
The findings were monumental.
People were absolutely shocked to discover that a man who displayed no 'feminine' attributes was in fact a homosexual.
They were beside themselves to hear that a slightly 'effeminate' man could actually still be a heterosexual.
CALL IN THE EXPERT
Professor Pussylover from The University of Grasping said that, in all, Gay men are more 'feminine' than straight men.
He stated that a straight man uses more animated arm motion from shoulder to finger tips, where as a gay man will only use his arms from elbow to finger tips.
Which is true, and making it difficult for me to type right now.
Doctor Pussylover also said that a straight man will tend to slouch, where as a gay man will sit "more properly".
An audience member said that you can tell a gay man from a straight man by how much their eyebrows move when they're talking.
As she stated 'A gay guys eyebrows are always higher' (insert surprised look) 'where straight guys are like' (insert furrowed brow).
The interviewer; "Some gay men are up in arms saying that your research just perpetuates stereotypes"
Prof Pussylover; "Well, research has proven that gay men are more feminine that straight men".
Well 20/20, this gay man thanks god that he has use of his arms from elbow to fingers, so that when he is flipping you the bird, you get the exact idea of what the message is that I am trying to convey.
And while we're at it, tell Maury he's a Loser.