Cross Marketing Smells Like My Last Dump

When Celine Dion released a CD that had the Chrysler logo adorned on the back inlay I felt a little sick.
More than sick maybe, she's a Canadian artist. I don't want to own her CD's, or pay hundreds of dollars to see her in concert, but I did want to be proud of her as a French girl who came from my country and made it big.
Then, she did make it big, HUGE even.
She had more money than I will probably ever see in my life.
Enough to sustain the life of a Hilton party girl.
And then she sold out, and I don't care what any of you fuckers say, she JUMPED THE FUCKING SHARK.
"As a singer, I've had many opportunities to travel, and one thing I've learned is that through my music, I can be accepted by people all over the world. I often wonder why so many of us can't accept people who are different here, in our country? It's just not fair to be prejudiced against those whose race, religion or colour aren't the same as ours."
Okay, I take it back, Celine Dion is a fucking MORON.
My apologies to the Chrysler Corporation.
You guys totally got butt fucked.
BUT.....
What about Snoop D-O-Double-G?
That mother fucker sold out For Schizzle when he decided that he wanted to endorse Dodge. Better yet, when the fuck did Dodge's target market shift so dramatically? I must have been napping.
C'mon snoop. You're an artist, and a porn producer (has anyone even seen 'Doggy Style?)
ahem
anyway, Why does Hip-Hop sell a Dodge?
It doesn't!
It fucking sells yogurt drinks for kids. How could I have forgotten the commercial with the cartoon tiger spinning some serious beats for a bunch or prepubescent minors who crave a good cold yogurt beverage. XL, that's the shit yo!
Are we not supposed to see that this commercial mimics perfectly EVERY beer and liquor commercial that is marketed towards us of the 'legal age'.
Oh no wait, not mimics perfectly, there's no obvious sexism in the yogurt commercials.....
YET!!!!!
About the C- Walk:
"It's a heredity thing that comes with the set, the neighborhood... When I was a kid I saw my big homies doing it. It spread throughout the neighborhoods in '79, '78, somethin' like that."
Okay....Wait....Maybe if he's still "walking" like they did in '79, '78, he left his dignity there too.
But to be on commercial hitting balls about the course and telling us all how cool we would be if we drove a dodge?
C'mon....
I know it's not literary genius, but I have two words that come to mind...
FUCK OFF.
and p.s. rhythm and Gangsta was mediocre at best!
Then.....
after this cross marketing assault on my senses I walk into the beer store for some escapism and what do I see?
Well, Colonel Saunders telling me I need a bucket of chicken to go with my 'Lucky Lager'.
As if that weren't bad enough the 'beer dude' hands me a sample stick of 'Degree' body responsive, ultra clear deodorant for MEN.
Obviously, because women don't drink beer.
I buy beer, and I get deodorant?
Fuck the Tsunamis and Hurricanes, the world is fucked on a more base level when I get pit stick after buying a 12 pack.
What is next?
For real...
p.s. I just did the spell check provided on this website because I want to at least appear intelligent, and it caught the word GANGSTA, which it didn't recognize, the first word it offered to replace gangsta with was GUNSHOT. I kid you not!