IN RESPONSE TO KARMEN

Mon AMI Karmen wrote a blog about 'trends' that she was glad that she never bought into. I have been thinking about that since I read her blog.
There are some sick fucking trends out there....
I want to name a few more

1) Cabbage Patch Kids - My mom told me that Cabbage Patch Kids were for 'little girls' I tried to argue the point, but my penis rendered me the loser of the great debate. Thank God (Allah, Yaweh, Jebus, El Shaddai, Jehovah, Jah) they introduced the GARBAGE PAIL KIDS; Flat Pat, Atom Bomb and Up Chuck saved my childhood insecurities surrounding my psycho sexual development.

2) Chip N' Pepper - Remember them, they came before hyper colour t shirts, and were all about the waves. Only, there were no waves in southern Ontario, just great lakes that burped. I have no pictures of myself donning Chip N' Pepper. It's the little things that help me deal with the crisis of my childhood.

3) Cock Rings - Ok, they're used to help a man maintain a hardon. I am good all on my own. Aesthetically, it's a piece of metal that wraps around the part of my junk that no one pays attention to anyway. In the long run, cheaper than viagra, honestly, more embarrassing than pushing hemorrhoids back into your ass.

4) Celine Dion - She did for titanic what she did for Chrysler. Wait, I think I just farted on Celine Dion! Oh My God, I did, she's so gasping right now.

5) Orbit- Does anyone remember this drink? I have no idea if it was carbonated? But it had these little jell balls that floated (orbited) around inside of it. I think Pepsi backed it, but it might have been coke, which would be the drug that the development team would have been using when they thought introducing it would be cool.

6) Heroin - Courtney Love is a mommy????????

7) Ska - WTF? Some of it was good. SKA FACE! COME BACK! Some people are so dumb.

8) GAY - C'mon, it was sooo cool like 4 years ago. Everyone wanted to be gay. I still am, but the shadows have thickened and the cool kids moved on to anime and then heroin (see # 6)

9) Looney Toon Character Sweat Shirts - This one was reserved solely for WHITE TRASH; "Oh jesus Mike, youze gonna get me dat sweater wit Mickey throwing dat baseball for christmas dis year, I knows hes gonna win dat ball game"

10) Len, Afroman, LFO, please, if you own these CD's educate yerself, maybe if you did you'd know I purposely spelled yerself wrong, I am merely trying to relate. But wait, you're a loser, and I am not. Go back to HMV and beg for forgiveness.

11) The Male Condom - Hmm, or a Miracle Mart bag will do in a pinch. We should all be having anal sex anyway, just to piss of god.

12) Tony Little - YOU CAN DOOOOOO IT! Long blonde pony tail, always bouncing around, c'mon, he's number 8 cool like years ago.

13) Ian - "ME??????" Oh My God, my acceptance speech is so short right now, but thank you all for voting. Let me start by thanking god, who made me gay, condemned me for it and then sicked all of christianity on my ass. I LOVE A CHALLENGE. Then I'd like to thank my mom, who always taught me that working hard reaped benefits, and that being a lazy fucking asshole who just sat around and played on the computer all fucking day made me a bad man. Obviously, my dad comes next, but he agrees with my mom, and I am scared to comment. Then I would like to thank my school teachers who said I would never amount to anything. YOU WERE RIGHT, only I blame societal norms and the current job market for my current inability to find acceptance in the 'career industry'. I would also like to thank Wayne, who taught me that men can fuck more than your ass. And to Mike who taught me that ass is a mere synonym for soul. And for counseling who said that soul wasn't just a musical movement in the 19th century. I'd like to thank ants for moving so quickly and making me wonder why I can't get that kind of motivation. I want to thank my ex's for scaring me. i want to thank my job for forcing me to realize that the general public is not cool. And most of all, I want to thank my friends who are so fucking odd that I can tell them all od this, and all we'd do is giggle (or get really drunk and touch one another's privates). Most of all, I'd like to thank Karmen, for her trends, and making me think of mine. Me love Karmen.