Friday, October 28, 2005

Insert appropriate title here fucker

So, I was chatting online with this guy i talk to all the time. He's a really cool guy, and this is not meant to bag on him. But, we started talking about why I had moved to Calgary. So I told him about my fantastic boyfriend, and how much I loved him, and then online friend puked so I started to talk about the job market and how great it is out here, and the mountains, and hot guys in cowboy hats.
He says who the fuck would ever move to Calgary?
I was like, "Oh, why?"
And he starts going on about homophobic mormons, and dead gays found in parks. Now, I assume that the dead gays in the park reference goes back to some old murder that happened here where a gay guy's body was found in a park.
I love how a body can be gay too.
Anyway, fine, that's absolute shit, but like that same shit doesn't happen EVERYWHERE, we don't live in a fucking bubble.
Fine, Calgary may be a bit more right wing, but there is still a gay pride parade and celebration once a year,same as the almighty Toronto.
And so what, i should go live in a gay ghetto because I'm afraid of straight people or ashamed of who I am am?
Fuck that.
No one needs to have their place of residence dictated by how many mormons there are in the area.
I say fuck mormons, and every other organized religion that tells me that I am an abomination.
If there is a god, he made all of us, and he made gay ghettos and he made suburbs and he made rural areas, and the gays are in all of those spots.
Don't bag on a city because you felt threatened there.
No one should be telling you where to live.
Live and let live, so long as none of them fuckin christians try to hit on me!

Thursday, October 13, 2005

Survivor Stephanie

Okay, so I missed season one entirely.
That does in no way mark my record as a survivor fanatic.
I have diligently been there screaming, cheering and sometimes farting at survivor, its host and its stars.
Stephanie, has been one of my all time fav 'castaways'.
She embodied, for me, what it means to be a true competitor, regardless of what hung or didn't hang between her legs (as is stressed so often in the show).
She was just a true alhlete, a true player and a true threat in the game. She never gave up. She fought to the end and never lost her spirit, although her tribes seem incapable fo winning.
at this point if you are thinking that survivor is fixed, contrived and ridiculous, i ask you to kindly fuck off and find another blog to read.
She was one of the 'old survivors' that was asked to come back and compete in this season. She 'had' something. Something other people on the show didn't.
I 'loved' her.
Or felt as close as one can to that emotion when all your confronted with is an image on television.
Then, diligently, I sat down and watched tonights episode.
Steph's team lost the reward challenge.
It was a goodie too, it would have stung to lose.
Bobby John, who is another 'ask back' from a previous season and who is quite possibly one of the most annoying individuals of all time was on the tribe that achieved victory.
He was noticeably moved and excited, full on yelling and cheering.
Then, it cuts to poor Stephanie, who is crying, upset she is losing AGAIN. Expressing her desire to win and wishing she was on a team with individuals who shared her same spirit. Admittedly, she is not.
Then it cuts to her walking through the Guatemalan jungle with her tribe mates as they complain about losing.
She is bitching about Bobby John and the way he handles a victory.
She said......
"I dunno he just gets's so gay, like he wins and then he just acts so GAY."
You mean like a giant cock flies out of the woods and he starts sucking it, or bending over and offering his ass to its mercy?
What does it mean to get so "gay".
What the fuck is GAY?
You can sum someone up with that word because it is so all encompassing?
You can call someone down with the use of the same word?
I used to *heart* you Stephanie, but now I see that you're just another stupid fucking heterosexual whose opinions are dictated by the media. In the same stretch my first opion of you was the same. I thought you were a strong, upstanding person, a competitive spirit.
But, you showed me the truth.
You're just another dumb fucking breeder who bases their opinions on fiction as opposed to fact, and too ignorant to look for anything that isn't grain fed to you.
So, Stephanie, fuck you, and I hope you lose!

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

Top Ten Things About Music

Here's a little personal 'whats for' to all you kin folk lovin, head in the oven, 13 pubed youngsters with 18 sperm....

Music is not dictated by friends, family, love, life, experience, dreams, thoughts, tremors, convulsions, drugs or a really good shit, but above and beyond all of that, music is not dictated by radio.
Radio provides us with a really small sampling of musicians, and all of the sampled musicians are decided on by the target market of each radio station.
You can pick even your favorite radio station and realize why that is terrifying. That slobbering, summer toothed wonder that you pick as your worst possible listener just bought the same ASHLEE SIMPSON album that you just bought. Her songs are touching him too, or he is touching himself while the songs are playing. It doesn't matter, the most important thing for ANY fan of music to do is experiment.
I am not 1/2, 1/4 (what's smaller than that?) the musical reference that most of my friends are, but, I know how to love music.
And it doesn't matter if at the end of my decision we both love ASHLEE SIMPSON, I BELIEVE, there is a right and a wrong way to interpret a song, a musician, a band. And if you knew how, my constant reference to ASHLEE SIMPSON would have you dry heaving......
If you feel sick, for real, talk to me.....
I appreciate the beaks and twirps of kiddie music, but I don't want to talk about it, aside from guilty pleasures, some shit I have would never even be written on a blog, but, leave me a note, I'll give ya my email, and we'll talk dirt....
Fuck, now I've gone on so long about music and top tens I have forgotten all of my top tens and have to start back at first base.
Remember that? First base! I don't think I ever knew what that was.
Is it a hand up the shirt?
I dunno, I didn't even start playing baseball till I was 17. I know, I was a late bloomer. I got my first home run at 19.
"shut up Ian"
what you need to know!
1) Never buy a CD for one or two songs and then only listen to those two songs. If you love them, chances are you love them for a reason. So, give them a fucking chance and see what else you like, nine times out of ten, yer fav song on the album is not the one you bought it for.

2) If you download a song, and you love the album. Support the band, at least you'll have an entire collection of CD's where you love at least one song on every album.

3) Guilty pleasure or not, love who you love. Burn CD's for your friends with their songs on them. Then, when questioned, stand up, be proud. Announce your support of said artist. You could be passionate about EMINEM, and I'd still be excited to hear what you have to say.

4) Never let popularity stand in your way for supporting a band or singer. The biggest losers are the 'indie kids' who drop bands when they get recognized. Here's an idea, use the radio play to get others into something more intelligent. Fuck radio play. Essentially, it means nothing.

5) Don't talk about Green Day, even if you like them or have a friend that does, or went to a concert. Treat it like herpes, you know it's out there, but why call attention to it.

6) When people ask what kind of music are you into, be able to say "a little bit of everything" and not have it mean just 'Lil Kim, Beyonce, Chiarra, Gwen and Missy'.

7) Drugs do not make a great album great, a great album establishes itself. I feel like I just coined a phrase, did I duplicate that? Anyway, it's true, saying you have to get high to 'really appreciate' an album, well, it makes you look dumb. Do you have to get high to wipe yer bum bum too, does it make blowing yer nose religious? Fuck off, good albums transcend weed.

8) Liking one album is not a good enough reason to back a singer/band. Don't jump on the band wagon if there's shit you know is not as good. Sure, Ani has like 17 albums out, not including shit she did with other people, but like, I love Ani, I do. I mean i wouldn't eat pussy for her, but I LOVE Ani, and I can still admit that from 'Dialate' on we lost something. You be that big too!

9) Don't let your friends stand in your way. One of my all time favorite songs is 'Hero' by 'Mariah Carey', my friends bow their heads in shame, and i giggle and fart on them.

10) The biggest, most important thing to remember about music. Your parents do have a clue! Some of what they listened to is genius! Try it again, c'mon, Willie Nelson, that shit is pure poetry!

I have nothing more for you, if you follow my teachings you do so with blessings, if not, you risk pointed stars aimed at yer temples! But fuck, whatever, but the new Gwen Stefani, see if you make it to heaven!

SEXISM, and how I see it

Karen and I hung out tonight, and we got to talking (I don't know how) about the term 'nymphomaniac', and if it referred to a woman solely or if it encompassed men.
Karen's point was that the term referred to a person with a really REALLY high sex drive, and that that was significant for both men and women, and how both could be 'nymphos'.
But, i told her that i always remember books from childhood on up, and every time the word nympho was dropped it seemed to be hand in hand with a poorly drawn illustration of greek women in ripped and flowing robes.
I told Karen that I thought the term was gender specific.
She disagreed.
But then I asked, if there were a term for a male with the same sexual affliction, what would it be?
She had no idea, again pointing out the fact that the term was in fact not gender specific.
I told her when the cigarettes were finished we would '' it and find out the truth.
here is what we found
adj : (used of women) affected with excessive sexual desire
Other definitions all mirrored the important points.
It is gender specific.
Now, i know I could have used the same trusty internet to find out the appropriate male terminology, but, it got me to thinking.
Why don't I know?
Why do I have such a clear mental picture of what a nympho is?
It is a horny woman!
So what is the man? Is it general knowledge?
For real, who knew the answer to this before looking it up?